(photo by Amos Mac) JUSTIN VIVIAN BOND: Recently described as “The greatest cabaret artist of (v’s) generation” by Hilton Als. New Yorker, singer, songwriter and Tony-nominated performance artist. prefix: mx pronoun: V gender: trans or T full name: Mx Justin Vivian Bond Many years ago while I was sitting at Cafe Flore in San Francisco, one of my favorite places on earth. I was approached by a transexual woman who engaged me in conversation and during our chat she said to me, “Justin, sooner or later you’re going to have to come down off the fence.”  I was quite taken aback by this statement as I hadn’t really thought of myself as being on a fence. But after some thought I realized what she was saying.  By saying I would have to come down “off the fence” she was saying that sooner or later I would have to make a choice and conform my identity to embrace the gender binary and validate her choice to climb over the fence to the “other side”.  Personally, for me, I have never believed there was another side for me to cross over to.  Sometimes I wish I did.  If I felt there was a clearly defined place for me to go, where I would be welcomed and at peace, I would surely have gone there many years ago.  At times I’ve almost been able to convince myself there was, but for me to claim to be “a woman” would feel just as false as the charade I’ve been asked to play for so much of my life of being “a man”.  Having said that, I will affirm that I do believe there is another side for others; for transexual men and women who fully embrace and are comfortable subscribing to the gender binary -to a polarized notion of gender. But please don’t assume that aspiring to pass is “realness”, because as far as I can see “realness” too is a construct built on shifting sand.  If you insist on serving “realness” don’t be surprised if it is declared to hard too swallow and sent back to the kitchen.  This applies to “real men”, “real women” and all of their enablers.  I’m not interested in the expression of “realness”.  I would like to be afforded the luxury of being free to be as honest as possible and to have my truth be respected. So I remain on the fence but I am beginning hormone treatments not to become a woman but in order to actualize what I’ve always known myself to be -a trans person.  I want my body to be a declaration and physical manifestation of my transgendered spirit.  When I was younger I used to refer to myself as a “non-op transexual”, meaning I was a transexual who didn’t need to have surgery to assert what I was.  But I was wrong because without assertions people can only make assumptions and I no longer wish to indulge or refute the assumptions or labels other people choose to place on me, I simply want to inhabit my very clear vision of myself. Fortunately, since that day in Cafe Flore a younger generation of trans people have come along to articulate what I’ve been experiencing.  When I was young I was fascinated by the stories I read of people like Christine Jorgenson and Dr. Rene Richards -people who had had “sex-change” operations in order to become members of the opposite gender than the one they were assigned at birth.  I was deeply fascinated by them and hoped their stories would unlock the mystery which I felt was locked deep inside myself .  Ultimately their stories provided no satisfactory answers. For me there is no opposite sex. For me there is only identity and desire. Now, at last, I am on the pathway to embodying my own identity with the hope of unifying my work, art, intellect, body and spirit in order to be as alive and engaged in living my life as I can possibly be.

(photo by Amos Mac)

JUSTIN VIVIAN BOND: Recently described as “The greatest cabaret artist of (v’s) generation” by Hilton Als. New Yorker, singer, songwriter and Tony-nominated performance artist.

prefix: mx

pronoun: V

gender: trans or T

full name: Mx Justin Vivian Bond

Many years ago while I was sitting at Cafe Flore in San Francisco, one of my favorite places on earth. I was approached by a transexual woman who engaged me in conversation and during our chat she said to me, “Justin, sooner or later you’re going to have to come down off the fence.”  I was quite taken aback by this statement as I hadn’t really thought of myself as being on a fence. But after some thought I realized what she was saying.  By saying I would have to come down “off the fence” she was saying that sooner or later I would have to make a choice and conform my identity to embrace the gender binary and validate her choice to climb over the fence to the “other side”.  Personally, for me, I have never believed there was another side for me to cross over to.  Sometimes I wish I did.  If I felt there was a clearly defined place for me to go, where I would be welcomed and at peace, I would surely have gone there many years ago.  At times I’ve almost been able to convince myself there was, but for me to claim to be “a woman” would feel just as false as the charade I’ve been asked to play for so much of my life of being “a man”.  Having said that, I will affirm that I do believe there is another side for others; for transexual men and women who fully embrace and are comfortable subscribing to the gender binary -to a polarized notion of gender. But please don’t assume that aspiring to pass is “realness”, because as far as I can see “realness” too is a construct built on shifting sand.  If you insist on serving “realness” don’t be surprised if it is declared to hard too swallow and sent back to the kitchen.  This applies to “real men”, “real women” and all of their enablers.  I’m not interested in the expression of “realness”.  I would like to be afforded the luxury of being free to be as honest as possible and to have my truth be respected.

So I remain on the fence but I am beginning hormone treatments not to become a woman but in order to actualize what I’ve always known myself to be -a trans person.  I want my body to be a declaration and physical manifestation of my transgendered spirit.  When I was younger I used to refer to myself as a “non-op transexual”, meaning I was a transexual who didn’t need to have surgery to assert what I was.  But I was wrong because without assertions people can only make assumptions and I no longer wish to indulge or refute the assumptions or labels other people choose to place on me, I simply want to inhabit my very clear vision of myself.

Fortunately, since that day in Cafe Flore a younger generation of trans people have come along to articulate what I’ve been experiencing.  When I was young I was fascinated by the stories I read of people like Christine Jorgenson and Dr. Rene Richards -people who had had “sex-change” operations in order to become members of the opposite gender than the one they were assigned at birth.  I was deeply fascinated by them and hoped their stories would unlock the mystery which I felt was locked deep inside myself .  Ultimately their stories provided no satisfactory answers. For me there is no opposite sex. For me there is only identity and desire.

Now, at last, I am on the pathway to embodying my own identity with the hope of unifying my work, art, intellect, body and spirit in order to be as alive and engaged in living my life as I can possibly be.

Tags: PERFORMANCE artist new york queer trans non-conforming gender performance art cabaret