(I can’t remember where i got this illustration from) OF SPANGLISH LOVE LETTERS AND BREAKUPS:  UNA CARTA FOR SARAH I was trying to break-up with Sarah in my head the other day, right? I was going through every single way of not sounding too much like a bitch so in a couple of months she would sleep with me again… one of those i-don’t-wanna-be-your-girl-but-please-be-open-to-fuck-me kinda break-up, thank you. Pero qué le digo? “nena sos una droga y no quiero estar contigo porque contigo me dan ganas de olerme every single meth lab en Colombia. Ponte los calzones, llévate la coca y llámame only una vez al mes” Eso le voy a decir.  I wrote it down but afterwards thought it sounded too uninviting and I was most likely going to get either an inanimate object (most likely a weed pipe) thrown at me or, si lo hago por text message—wait, I cant do it por text message, okay, or I was gonna get her soprano voice ringing my ear with “bitch this” “bitch that” “bitch…you….feelings…fuck…bitch…” and I only enjoy the word bitch when either my promiscuity or physicality are being celebrated or compared to immortal grandiose nymphs, not put down because I decide not to rent a U-haul.   But then I thought: Sarah. Sarah no me va a querer y Sarah tiene buenas tetas. Joder. So I erase that first paragraph and choose to write her a letter: Sarah, Morra sos hermosa pero tienes que llevarte tu bougie-third-world-crack-house back to L.A rehab y dejarme un poco de la coca. Pero no mucho. Está bien, no me dejes nada de coca, pero llámame cuando se te pasen los withdrawals. Pero solo de vez en cuando, no me llames todos los días.  There is goat cheese and spinach pizza in the freezer. I threw away your cigarettes cause they stank. Don’t get mad at me, no te enojes que los cigarillos tenían el cuarto oliendo a mierda. Tu padre dice que soy mucho para ti Sarah, but I don’t think so. I just wish you loved me more than you love your needle. Dejé tu cd de Dinah Washington on your nightstand. Xo xo Besos Your ex.

(I can’t remember where i got this illustration from)

OF SPANGLISH LOVE LETTERS AND BREAKUPS: 

UNA CARTA FOR SARAH

I was trying to break-up with Sarah in my head the other day, right? I was going through every single way of not sounding too much like a bitch so in a couple of months she would sleep with me again… one of those i-don’t-wanna-be-your-girl-but-please-be-open-to-fuck-me kinda break-up, thank you. Pero qué le digo?

“nena sos una droga y no quiero estar contigo porque contigo me dan ganas de olerme every single meth lab en Colombia. Ponte los calzones, llévate la coca y llámame only una vez al mes”

Eso le voy a decir.  I wrote it down but afterwards thought it sounded too uninviting and I was most likely going to get either an inanimate object (most likely a weed pipe) thrown at me or, si lo hago por text message—wait, I cant do it por text message, okay, or I was gonna get her soprano voice ringing my ear with “bitch this” “bitch that” “bitch…you….feelings…fuck…bitch…” and I only enjoy the word bitch when either my promiscuity or physicality are being celebrated or compared to immortal grandiose nymphs, not put down because I decide not to rent a U-haul.  

But then I thought: Sarah. Sarah no me va a querer y Sarah tiene buenas tetas. Joder. So I erase that first paragraph and choose to write her a letter:

Sarah,

Morra sos hermosa pero tienes que llevarte tu bougie-third-world-crack-house back to L.A rehab y dejarme un poco de la coca. Pero no mucho. Está bien, no me dejes nada de coca, pero llámame cuando se te pasen los withdrawals. Pero solo de vez en cuando, no me llames todos los días.  There is goat cheese and spinach pizza in the freezer. I threw away your cigarettes cause they stank. Don’t get mad at me, no te enojes que los cigarillos tenían el cuarto oliendo a mierda.

Tu padre dice que soy mucho para ti Sarah, but I don’t think so. I just wish you loved me more than you love your needle.

Dejé tu cd de Dinah Washington on your nightstand.

Xo xo

Besos

Your ex.

Tags: love letters breakup sarah spanglish san francisco queer